I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize