my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
