That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
