Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
