I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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