I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
