Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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