My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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