you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
