the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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