You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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