"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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