i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
