there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize