out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
