i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
