I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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