I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize