After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
