Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
