I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
