just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize