Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
