Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
