He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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