The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
