so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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