my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
