He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
