Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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