If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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