It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
