So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
