after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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