I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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