i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
a search helicopter?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
