I wish I could teleport
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
