sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
