I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
