glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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