Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
