I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
