I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
