All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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