Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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