even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
