Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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