That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
