I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
