why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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