Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
