Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
