Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
