Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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