i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
