let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
