it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
