Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ok first of all what the fuck
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
