Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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