You're completely useless in the revolution.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
