Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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