i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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