Are we in a gay sports bar?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
