A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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