i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
