I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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