I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
