What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
