No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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