can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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