You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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