When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
